Tag Archives: Personal

Sebastian parking bike

Day After Laser Iridotomy on Eye #2 + Questionable Medial Branch Block (Epidural) Results

I am so relieved to be done with medical procedures, for a while at least.  🙂  The last couple of weeks have been quite a medical journey.   I’m glad my sister was in town when I found out about Angle-Closure Glaucoma and had the epidural for my neck done or I would have gone crazy with anxiety and stress.   Thanks Grech.   Just having her here distracted me enough to not be constantly worried about what I was going through.

I had the Laser Iridotomy on my left eye yesterday and while it was pretty uncomfortable – the zapping of the lasers in my eyeball and all, I feel better today than I did the day after they did the right eye last week.  I had an intense headache after the Laser Iridotomy yesterday and slept for a couple of hours.. something I don’t do in the middle of the day hardly ever.  Madelyn asked if the eye surgery was going to take the purpleness out from under my eyes.  Anyone care to recommend an amazing under-eye concealer?

Today I’m struggling with whether or not the epidural (technically referred to as a Medial Branch Block) I had almost two weeks ago, worked.  I HATE to think it didn’t work, but my neck really hurt yesterday.  I was hoping the pain was a result of the stress and anxiety over the Laser Iridotomy I was getting ready for yesterday afternoon, but my neck still hurts today.  I am going to give it a few more days and will call my physical therapist to schedule a dry needling or trigger point massage session if the pain isn’t substantially better by Friday.   The spine surgeon said that if the Medial Branch Block worked this time we would go with Radiofrequency Neurotomy next time which would relieve the pain forever, since a heat lesion is created on the nerves with the goal of interrupting the pain signals to the brain, thus eliminating pain.  Sounds great right.. but I have to feel definite relief from the Medial Branch Block in order to move to the next step so I’m a little frustrated that I might not be getting that relief, putting us back to (almost) square one as far as a treatment plan is concerned.

Meanwhile, I’m excited to be going to my 4th private yoga therapy session tomorrow.  Carolyn, my yoga teacher, has not only taught me yoga poses and stretches that help with my neck pain but she’s also taught me breathing techniques that help with pain and stress.   Nowadays, there’s a good chance my kids will walk into my office and see me with my eyes closed, on the floor, breathing slowly and deeply, unbeknownst to them, creating a happier more relaxed mom.  For the last two weeks I’ve been practicing the pigeon and warrior poses so hopefully I can pull them off without falling on my face tomorrow.  I just realized I can’t drive myself to yoga tomorrow.  Shoot.. I guess I need to stop writing and figure out how I’m going to get to yoga tomorrow.
Sebastian parking bikeTo the right is the photo I chose for how I’m feeling today.

Even though things aren’t always the way we’d like them to be,  it’ll work out if you do your best and make the best of the situation.
It wasn’t an ideal situation but Sebastian parked his bike in this flooded bike rack, it did the job and turned out to be just fine. 🙂
That’s it for today.

I have updates on the dog situation and organization around the house that I’m excited to share in another post so stay tuned. 🙂

– Alicia


Note to readers: When I write posts like this (personal posts), I often don’t proofread it because I will then edit and delete for hours or never actually publish the post.  Run-on sentence and grammatical errors are to be expected. :)

When Decline = Personal Rejection


Should a game invite decline equate to personal rejection?  For me it did.. for a few minutes anyway.

This is an example of how feeling really crappy (sick) and being disappointed (surgery was cancelled) can give even the littlest things power over a person (ie – me).

For a few minutes, I felt rejected because someone who I had been playing a game with on my iPhone, ‘declined’ my invite to a rematch after we’d played several rounds together. She’s a friend on Facebook but we are not really friends (we’re acquaintances and I think she’s a fabulous gal).  She could have declined my invite for a rematch for any number of reasons. One of which was accidental which is what I prefer to believe. Otherwise it could have been because she’s tired of the game, has too many games going on, or she doesn’t want to play with me specifically.  If the person who declined my invitation, for whatever reason – accidental I’m sure 🙂 is reading this please excuse my pity party and know that I really am not upset.  I would love to play again!

Just seeing the words “they declined your invite” is difficult.  Maybe Zynga should rethink the wording.  Or maybe I should rethink my reaction?

Either way, it’s not a big deal. What sucks is that for a few minutes after she declined my invite for a rematch, I felt awful. I felt rejected. I imagined all of these terrible things she might have been thinking about me the moment she hit decline.   How ridiculous is that?

I’m sure I’m being very sensitive right now because I’m sick and my ENT cancelled my surgery that was supposed to be this Friday, yesterday because I’m sick so I’m frustrated and upset which seems to be carrying over into such little things as playing a silly iPhone game. Agh!

Personal: How To Get My Daughter To *Want* To Give Hugs

She really is sweet!

I never thought that my daughter would be my less affectionate child.  I just assumed that girls are more affectionate and loving than boys.  That’s not the case with my daughter.  She’s not my affectionate child.  I love her dearly and am so blessed to have her in my life but it is strange to me that she doesn’t want to snuggle or give me hugs like my son did when he was her age.

I’m starting to believe that what comes around goes around.  When I was a pre-teen my mom bought me a book about hugging. I wasn’t a fan of hugging or affection in general and now I know how sad that made my mom.

Madelyn practically knocks Tim (my husband) down with huge hugs when he gets home from work.  Me?  I have to beg for hugs. At bedtime.  Before I leave for a business trip.  When I get home from a business trip.  Anytime.

I am not going to let her see that my feelings are hurt because I don’t want her to give me hugs just because she feels sorry for me but darn.. my feelings are hurt and I don’t know how to handle the situation.  I’m not going to force her to hug me although I practically beg (in a non-obvious way) some days.

She always wants me to play with her but when I ask her for a hug she acts shy like I’m invisible or I’m putting her out.

My son is my affectionate child and I am very grateful that he still gives me hugs and kisses.  He is twelve and I thought he would have grown out of giving me hugs and kisses but thank goodness, he hasn’t.  I don’t know what I’d do if neither of my kids wanted to hug me.

I’m on a press trip for work this week and when I left today it was nearly impossible to get a genuine hug out of Madelyn.  Meanwhile, Sebastian gave me a great big bear hug and a kiss and said “I love you mom”.

Do you have a young child who is not very affectionate? How do you handle it?

Alicia Hagan, Editor

Something I Want to Try This Year – I Want To Drive A Race Car.. on a Race Track!

36 years ago, I was brought home from the hospital at two days old in an orange Porsche 911.    Ever since then, well maybe not until I was about 8, I have loved cars.  I thought Jaguars were the coolest car for the longest time and I can tell you what just about any car (make) is just from a side view.  I can even out-do my husband in that game!  My dad used to take my sister and I to the Daytona International Speedeay and I loved watching the races but was scared of the loud noise.

I loved cars up until about ten years ago when I had a car accident which left me fearful of driving and of being a passenger in a car, for a long time. My son (1.5 years old at the time) was in the back seat of my parked SUV when the SUV started rolling down my steep driveway.   I had already gotten out of the car and had opened his door when it started rolling down the driveway. I tried to get back in the front seat to push on the break but I didn’t make it and instead was trapped under the car rolling down the steep driveway for about 100 feet after which the car landed on top of me.   I was later told that I suffered a mild stroke during the accident which may be why I’m so crazy these days.  I was pinned under the front wheel of the SUV for some time until Firemen got to me and were able to get me out from under the car.   I was in physical therapy (and regular therapy) for some time after the accident due to nerve and muscle damage and have some residual issues but for the most part, I’m fine now.. physically at least.

Just in the last couple of years I’ve become more comfortable with driving and with being a passenger again. In fact, I took a big step by attending a Honda Ride and Drive event in San Diego last Fall, where besides driving the Odyssey through the hills of San Diego myself, I got to ride on a closed course at Qualcomm Stadium with a professional driver.  Riding on the closed course at Qualcomm Stadium, going 60 mph around sharp turns (safely) gave me an adrenaline rush that I hadn’t felt in a long time and helped me get over some of my fear of being a passenger and of driving in risky situations.

I want to drive a race car

Since realizing that driving isn’t all that bad, I want to try something.. I want to drive a race car on a real race track! This would be a huge step for me mentally.   Like I said earlier, I am more comfortable with driving now but am not all the way there yet.  I still look at cars as accidents waiting to happen and have got to get over that completely which I think a race car driving experience will do for me.  I may have to wear some Pampers (yes, a P&G plug!) while driving the race car but darned it I’m not going to make it happen!  I’m not sure how I can make that happen but now that I’ve realized that I CAN DO IT, I am going to look into how I can accomplish this, this year.  Maybe I’ll even have a special pink and purple slip on a firesuit made just for me to wear during my race car driving experience!

The Divine Miss Mommy - P&G giveawayI was inspired to write this post in response to The Divine Miss Mommy‘s article about a P&G Media Event in Miami.  P&G products are part of our every day lives here in the Hagan household.  We use the Swiffter WetJet, Gillett razores, Pantene shampoo and conditioner, Charmin toilet paper (too personal?), and will ONLY use Cascade dishwasher detergant.. all P&G brands, but there are several P&G brand products that I haven’t tried yet but would love to try including Lacoste Fragrances and Cover Girl’s Eye Enhancers 4 Shadow Kit (drama eyes) because I need to learn that it’s OK to stand out a little sometimes.. with purple eye shadow!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and let me know what you want to try this year in the comments below!

Alicia Hagan, Mom Blog editor

Mom-guilt anyone?

The mom-guilt is never ending.

I feel guilty if I don’t play a game with Madelyn right when she wants me to or if I don’t have time to go outside and play ball with Sebastian when he asks.

It’s because I work from home.  I have to remind myself that just because I work in a home office and the kids know I’m here, doesn’t mean that I’m available to play with or provide entertainment for them.  I can’t feel guilty about that… I’m working for goodness sakes!  I have more of an issue with it than they do I think.

I’ve been working from home for 10 years now (atlantamoms.com and themommyinsider.com) and wouldn’t have it any other way but you’d think that I would have learned to deal with the mom-guilt by now!?

I feel guilty.  A lot.  I don’t like it.

Do you have mom-guilt?  What about and how do you cope?